Communication is key

Like everyone else out there, I have gotten in my fair share of fights, arguments, misunderstandings (what have you) and at the heart of all of them there is one key element missing ... communication.  I think the majority of people out in the world today are not good at communicating.  Way back when, I was a psychology major and definitely learned a few tricks and trades along the way.  And, I have had to use these lessons in my marriage, with my kids, with my family and in work situations.  

Here are my main rules when it comes to communication (mind you that I am in no way saying that I am an expert, I am just stating my opinions):

1. Empathize- this is a difficult task to master.  It basically means to put yourself in the other person's shoes. This can be thinking like a different sex, race, socioeconomic status, age ... what have you.  It also forces you to think outside of yourself and your own personal situation, which opens up your mind to different possibilities.  

2. Reread what you write- this is true for facebook, text and e-mails.  Read what you write!  Words are misinterpreted so often and if it's in written form, it is so easy for the other person to read it differently than how you mean it.  I scan everything that I write and reread it probably 3 times.  This might sound crazy, but I try to read it from the other person's perspective.  It also allows me a few minutes to make sure that I don't write anything too hurtful, which can be done so quickly when you are mad.

3. Take ownership- as an adult, you have to be willing to say I am sorry even if you didn't mean it, or if you don't remember saying it.  If it hurt someone else or made them feel bad, say "I am sorry."  It almost always makes things better and it often will lead to the other person saying they are sorry too.

4. Don't believe what others say- When it is second-hand information, try not to believe it.  It is so easy for words to get twisted when it does not come directly from the horse's mouth.  People mean well, but it is never verbatim and therefore cannot be trusted as fact.  

These are things that I have found to be obstacles in relationships as a whole (workplace, marriage, kids, etc.) and the main contributors to conflict.